come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
