Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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