I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
