what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
