My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
