He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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