looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
