we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
