his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
