I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
