she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
