I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
