I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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