I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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