You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
