I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
