This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
