I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
