we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
