You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
