Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
