i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
