piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
