Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
