captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
