I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
