I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
