did you get engaged???
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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