the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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