whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
