I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
