Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
