I like to think it a success when the cops are called
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
