Having a random hookup so left but love u
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
