The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
