I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
