My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
