Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
