Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
