remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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