She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
two words: eviction party
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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