PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
