There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
