You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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