hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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