I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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