the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
