Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
