Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
