The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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