So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
