Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
