Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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