ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
