It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
