Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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