who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
