Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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