No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
