You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
