I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The air taste purple.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
