I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
