Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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