I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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