So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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