Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
