Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
