I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
