I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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