Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
