I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
